Has he suddenly gone off sex?

2015-01-12 11:15
What could be wrong? Does he no longer find me attractive? Is he having sex with someone else? Does he no longer love me? Is there something wrong with his health? Is he impotent? Is it my personality? Do I make him feel emasculated?

These are some of the questions that could go through your mind when it looks as if your partner has lost interest in sex.

Suffering in silence
Many women suffer with this problem in silence, whether they have been married for two years or twenty. It is often not the kind of thing they feel they can discuss easily with others, as they feel embarrassed and somehow responsible.

Talking about sex to your husband is often even more difficult than talking about money. Somehow, this one topic is studiously avoided by many married couples, which is fine if things are going well. If however, sexual relations come to a grinding halt, the lines of communication are often not open. Talking about it is about as difficult as undergoing root canal treatment without anaesthetic. And in many cases people would opt for the latter.

Why the sudden loss of interest?
What are the things that cause men to lose interest in sex suddenly?

The reasons could be many. Many men in middle age suffer from temporary impotence. The reasons could be physical, psychological or both.

If the reasons for the impotence are physical, the onset of the condition is gradual. Many habits or medical conditions could contribute to this according to D. Jehu in his book "Sexual dysfunction: a behavioural approach to causation":

• heart disease and disease of blood vessels
• diabetes
• multiple sclerosis
• alcoholism
• smoking
• abdominal surgery
• damage to the spinal cord or nerves
• low levels of certain hormones
• some prescription drugs

If the reasons for the impotence are psychological, the onset of the condition is sudden and could be caused by a wide variety of things:

• job stress
• relationship problems
• financial concerns
• depression or anxiety about poor sexual performance
• psychiatric conditions

While performance enhancers sort out problems on the short term, long-term solutions can only be found with the intervention of professionals: either a doctor or urologist in the case of physical problems or a psychologist or sexologist in the case of emotional causes.

All said and done, most women will know that merely talking about this problem is already difficult. Getting your husband to go for help would be doubly so. The following suggestions might help:

•  Don’t take on an accusatory tone – you need to get your husband on your side
• Choose your time carefully. The middle of a slinging match is not the time to discuss this matter
• Stress the fact that the problem affects both of you and that the only solution is a joint one
• Wait until the time is right – when you are both feeling happy and relaxed
• Don’t turn the whole discussion into a greater emotional issue than it already is
• Men put a high premium on their sexual performance. Don’t denigrate your husband’s masculinity in any way. It won’t get you anywhere
• Use I-messages, such as “It makes me feel unloved and unlovable when you won’t talk to me/have sex with me/share a bedroom with me.”

Also accept the fact that most people’s sex lives are unpredictable. Sometimes couples have sex often and sometimes they don’t, for no particular reason. If, however, a pattern of lesser or no sexual involvement becomes the norm, it is time for you to intervene.
(Susan Erasmus Health24, updated March 2010)
Post a question to our sexologist.

- Health24

Toure, Bony lead exodus for AFCON 2015

2015-01-12 11:16
London - Ivory Coast team-mates and probable future club-mates Yaya Toure and Wilfried Bony headline the departures from the English Premier League for the Africa Cup of Nations, which begins this week.

Toure, star of Manchester City's title success last season, made a sluggish start to the campaign, but he has rediscovered his best form in recent weeks, scoring seven times in his last 11 appearances.

His goals and driving midfield displays will be badly missed by Manuel Pellegrini's side, who are breathing down Chelsea's necks in the battle for the English crown.

But the blow has been softened by the news that Frank Lampard's contract has been extended until the end of the season, delaying his arrival at City's sister club New York City FC.

City also coped reasonably well in Toure's absence during the last Africa Cup of Nations in 2013, winning twice and drawing twice while the former Barcelona player was in South Africa.

"Yaya is a big miss for us because of what he has done at the club, but we have to deal with that and carry on this run we have been on," said Toure's midfield colleague James Milner.

Swansea City are likely to find it altogether more difficult to compensate for the absence of Bony, who was the league's top scorer in 2014 with 20 goals and has found the net nine times this season.

Also read: Yaya Toure wins top African award
But with the 26-year-old poised to complete a 28 million ($42.5 million, 35.8 million euros) move to Manchester City, he is likely to have played his last game for Swansea already.

Swansea manager Garry Monk can at least turn to France international Bafetimbi Gomis, signed from Lyon during the close season, but he has found the net only four times in his 22 appearances to date.

"Bafe is a different striker to Bony, but he is outstanding and I want him to enjoy this period and get some goals," Monk said. "He is a class striker and now he is our main striker."

Newcastle United will also lose the services of an in-form striker, with Papiss Cisse having been called up by Senegal, but he was due to serve a three-match ban anyway for elbowing Everton's Seamus Coleman.
Newcastle, currently without a manager following the departure of Alan Pardew, must also cede Ivorian midfielder Cheick Tiote.

West Ham United will lose Senegalese midfielder Cheikhou Kouyate, but his compatriot Diafra Sakho, who has scored nine goals since signing from Metz, has been ruled out of the tournament by a back injury.

On-loan midfielder Alex Song will also not be taking part in the tournament after being omitted from Cameroon's squad, which prompted him to announce his international retirement at the age of 27.
Bottom club Leicester City must do without Algerian winger Riyad Mahrez, who has had an influential role in the team's improved recent form, but Ghanaian full-back Jeff Schlupp stays behind.

Other Premier League players scheduled to compete in Equatorial Guinea include livewire Crystal Palace winger Yannick Bolasie (Democratic Republic of Congo), Liverpool centre-back Kolo Toure (Ivory Coast), Stoke City striker Mame Biram Diouf (Senegal) and young Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Nabil Bentaleb (Algeria).

Hull City's Senegalese midfielder Mohamed Diame will miss the tournament through injury, but Senegal have put themselves at loggerheads with Southampton by calling up winger Sadio Mane despite the fact he is currently sidelined with a calf problem.

Two of the biggest African names in English football will not be competing, with Chelsea's Ivorian veteran Didier Drogba and Cameroonian great Samuel Eto'o of Everton having retired from the international game.
Chelsea midfielder John Mikel Obi (Nigeria), Southampton enforcer Victor Wanyama (Kenya) and West Bromwich Albion schemer Stephane Sessegnon (Benin) play for countries that did not qualify.

Eight teams, meanwhile, will be untouched by the tournament, including Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United.
- AFP

Abia chief in trouble over Buhari endorsement

2015-01-12 11:11
Abuja - The Abia State Traditional Rulers Council has disowned the traditional ruler of Eziama Aba, Eze Isaac Ikonne, for installing the presidential candidate of the All Progressives Congress (APC), General Mohammadu Buhari, as Ogbuagu1 of Aba.

According to the members of the Council he has no powers to do so.

Chairman, Abia State Traditional Rulers Council, Eze Eberechi Dick, said that Aba is made up of two Local Government Areas-Aba North  and Aba South and over 400 communities as a zone while Osusu where Ikonne is resident has a traditional ruler and therefore Ikonne is incompetent to give somebody title on behalf of Aba.

Dick said the Abia State Council of Traditional Rulers were satisfied with Governor Theodore Orji and President Goodluck Jonathan for their people-oriented governments.

He condemned Ikonne over the alleged unwarranted attack on the Abia State government and the federal Republic of Nigeria by Ikonne.

Dick hinted that the council was aware Ikonne was influenced to endorse the former military head of state.
"We shall shall investigate and take appropriate action," he said.

- CAJ News

11 buildings razed in Balogun market fire

2015-01-12 11:15 Lagos - Four houses, five plazas and a Diamond Bank building were consumed by an early morning fire at the Balogun market on Lagos Island in Lagos State.

The cause of the fire could not be immediately ascertained but huge smoke was seen billowing from the building located on Breadfruit street.

The National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) said the fire started at about 4.36am from an unknown source and has been raging despite efforts by the Fire service to put it under control.

- News 2

Divers locate 'key' AirAsia cockpit voice recorder

2015-01-12 11:22

Pangkalan Bun - Divers retrieved one black box on Monday and located the other from the AirAsia plane that crashed more than two weeks ago, a key development that will help investigators unravel what caused the aircraft to plummet into the Java Sea.

The cockpit voice recorder was found just hours after officials announced that the flight data recorder had been pulled from beneath a piece of the aircraft's wing and brought to the sea's surface, said Suryadi Bambang Supriyadi, operation coordinator for Indonesia's national search and rescue agency.

However, he said that the voice recorder remained lodged beneath heavy wreckage, and that divers were struggling to free it at a depth of 32m.

Searchers began zeroing in on the sites a day earlier after three Indonesian ships picked up intense pings from the area, but they were unable to see the devices due to strong currents and poor visibility.

The two instruments, which emit signals from their beacons, are vital to understanding what brought Flight 8501 down on 28 December, killing all 162 people on board. They provide essential information, including the plane's vertical and horizontal speeds along with engine temperature and final conversations between the captain and co-pilot.

The flight data recorder was lodged under debris from the wing at a depth of about 30m, Supriyadi said. Once it was found, divers concentrated on locating the source of the other ping heard only a few meters away.

Analysis
Once the second device is recovered, both boxes will be taken to Jakarta, Indonesia's capital, for analysis. It could take up to two weeks to download their information, said Nurcahyo Utomo, an investigator at the National Committee for Safety Transportation.

The slow-moving hunt, which has often gone days with little progress, got a boost over the weekend when the Airbus A320's tail was lifted from the seabed. It was the first major wreckage excavated from the crash site, but the black boxes were not inside as hoped.

On Sunday, the ships detected two strong signals near each other, and officials became focused on finding their source.

Search efforts have been consistently hampered by big waves and powerful currents created by the region's rainy season. Silt and sand, along with river runoff, have created blinding conditions for divers.

Henry Bambang Soelistyo, head of the national search and rescue agency, said Sunday that divers had located the wing and debris from the engine. Officials initially were hopeful it was the main section of the plane's cabin, where many of the victims' corpses are believed to be entombed.
So far, only 48 bodies have been recovered.

The last contact the pilots had with air traffic control, about halfway into their two-hour journey from Indonesia's second-largest city, Surabaya, to Singapore, indicated they were entering stormy weather.
They asked to climb from 32 000 feet to 38 000 feet to avoid threatening clouds, but were denied permission because of heavy air traffic. Four minutes later, the plane dropped off the radar. No distress signal was sent.
AP

Dad to appear in court for hanging son

2015-01-12 11:25

Johannesburg - A North West man accused of murdering his 5-year-old son is scheduled to appear in the Taung Magistrate's Court on Monday.

The case against Boitumelo Seoposengwe was postponed last week to give him time to apply for legal aid.
He remained behind bars.

The 29-year-old father allegedly hanged his son Remoratile Sehemo in Maphietsile village, near Taung, on 24 December.

Colonel Sabata Mokgwabone said it was alleged that Seoposengwe locked himself and his son in a back room at his grandmother's home.

"A few minutes later one of the children went to knock at the room where the suspect and his son were,” Mokgwabone said.

"Seemingly, there was no response and family members were alerted. It is alleged that they peeped through the window and saw the boy hanging from the roof rafters," Mokgwabone said at the time.
Seoposengwe ran away, but later returned and handed himself over to police.
SAPA

Police dog stabbed to death by robber

45 minutes ago

Amanda Khoza, The Witness
Pietermaritzburg - “Bruno would not let go, not even once, he risked his life for me and died a hero.”
These were the words of distraught police dog handler Bianca Cantello, who is grieving the loss of her K9 partner who was killed while apprehending a suspect in the early hours of Saturday morning.

Bruno, an award-winning 7-year-old German Shepherd, was stabbed to death by a knife-wielding suspect when he and Cantello rushed to help other policemen who had stopped a suspect vehicle with stolen household goods in Ashburton.

Three men had already been arrested and two had fled into the bushes.

Last moments
Tears welled in Cantello’s eyes as she recounted Bruno’s last moments.
“The K9 Unit received a call from members of the Alexandra police station informing us that they had stopped a white Toyota Hilux with stolen goods.”

Cantello and her team immediately went to Ashburton.
“We went into the bush and Bruno was on a leash. We got to a hill and the suspect came out of the bush and started running.

“I released Bruno with a command to attack and apprehend the suspect. He caught the man on the leg and he went down. The suspect took out a knife and started stabbing Bruno,” said Cantello.
The devastated policewoman watched as her partner was stabbed continuously.
“He wouldn’t let go of the suspect, not even once.

Shot
The suspect got up and tried to attack me with the knife and then I shot him.”
“He carried on running after I had shot him and I ran after him shouting at him to stop.
“A few moments later Bruno collapsed and the suspect collapsed next to him,” she said.
Cantello said she will always remember Bruno as a loving, friendly dog.

“We have been working together for three years and although he was very friendly, he was a hard-working dog.

“He even won a trophy for the best dog in the Pietermaritzburg K9 Unit. He saved my life and died a hero, I am very sad,” said an emotional Cantello.

On Saturday Bruno’s remains were taken to a Durban veterinarian where he was cremated.

Appalled
Acting Pietermaritzburg cluster commander Brigadier Francis Bantham was appalled by the incident.
“This is the third dog down but if it wasn’t for him, the policewoman would have died.

“The provincial commissioner is saddened by this incident,” she said.
“We have a class coming up to train new dogs.

“We are devastated by this because even though this is their role, handlers get attached to their partners. No dog is the same,” said Bantham.

Last year Hillcrest police K9 Shaka went missing after chasing robbery suspects.
After a massive search effort his body was found in a river.

An autopsy revealed that he had been stabbed several times.

In October last year, a long-serving Pietermaritzburg SAPS K9 search and rescue unit dog was killed while on duty.

Storm, a Rottweiler, was chasing criminals with his handler in the Copesville informal settlement when the dog was electrocuted by illegally connected electrical wires
The Witness